Hello, young lovers

On June 21, 2010, Cindy and I will celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary.

Happy anniversary, dear. It wasn't until we'd been married 25 years that we really began to know what this means: I love you. And I love you now more than I ever have.

I've been around long enough to have observed this first point: Most relationships end badly. They do. And that's probably a good thing. It's a good thing to be sure that you're matched up with THE ONE before committing yourself permanently. Men and women being men and women, and hormones being hormones (OK, no one reading this needs THAT talk, do you?) carries the implication that you'll burn through more than one relationship before getting to THE ONE. That's all well and good.

I've been around long enough - in a 35-year-so-far marriage, after all - to know the second point: Relationships aren't easy. They are hard work. The initial glow doesn't last forever. The commitment does. In any relationship there will be times when you'll think that the only reason you're staying together is that commitment. We've worked through those times, Cindy and I. And now we have our 35 years together.

There will be mornings when you wake up, look at each other and say, "Who ARE you?" (Alternative version: "Lord, what did I get myself into?") There will be times when you don't even like each other much. But, if the commitment and vows are central for you you will work through those times.

There will be long hours and days spent in the hospital when the other is sick or hurt. There will be nights when the two of you are deciding who will spend tonight in the hospital with your sick child.

There will come the time when you realize that you're not as young as you were. Cindy married a healthy Navy guy. Now she's got a diabetic who has had open heart surgery and occasional difficulty getting around. We both know what the words meant, though: "For richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health. . ." Believe it or not, "in sickness" is usually easier than "in health." (I don't know how this happened, but Cindy stopped aging some time ago. She's still 30. I, on the other hand. . .)

There will be the times when you are responsible for kids, which carries agonies of its own. Then will come the time  when you're not responsible any more, and the pain is different, but there.

There's a lot of garbage to carry out - a lot of coupon-clipping and shopping the off-brands - a lot of dishes to be done - a lot of choices to be made when each of you needs to buy something, but you can only afford one of the items. It's difficult sometimes to compromise on what you want without compromising who you are. As you get older you get the knack. Trust me - we've worked through this too.

So, we've worked through all of this, and now we have 35 years. I'm only beginning to learn what I need to learn. But I know this:

I love you, Cindy. I can't wait to see what the next 35 years bring.

Grow old with me;
The best is yet to be - 
 the last of life, for which the first was made.