Anesthesia

Dysthymia has been my particular issue. If you Google dysthymia you'll be directed to a lot of web sites dealing with depression. Dysthymia is related to depression. The mood swings of depression are more pronounced than those of dysthymia, but dysthymia's milder form of depression is constant enough to be thought of as a personality trait. I rarely have the crash-into-a-black-hole feeling of a true depressive, although I have known it and there's nothing worse than that complete hopelessness - but it's also uncommon for me to be feeling really good about things. I have a very hard time just having fun. Letting loose is not something I do easily and a good belly laugh from me is rare. My mood is just sub - whatever.

And, pullleeeze - there's no point in asking what we're depressed about. If you're depressed about something, then it isn't depression. It's just sadness. Depression, dysthymia are all the more torturous because there's no aim to it. I wish I could point to a reason. I can't. Those who've been there know what I'm talking about.

Thus the genesis of addictions. It begins with the genetic predisposition. The research is clear and compelling - longitudinal studies, separated twin studies - that having an addict in your immediate family line places you at much higher risk of addiction than someone who has no such person in their ancestry. Some have gone so far as to say, "No genetics, no addiction." I don't know that I buy that strong a statement, but it's only because we don't know all of our own genetic makeup. We haven't identified one gene as the cause.

The second precursor is often some form of mental illness, some mood disorder. Dysthymia. Depression. There are a lot of folks among us with some form of social anxiety disorder. There are many, many bipolars among us.

It's really difficult for someone caught up in these disorders to describe their lives to someone who has no idea. So, we find something to soothe the pain.

Booze.

Coke (no, not Coca Cola).

Tobacco (sure helps with that stress, doesn't it? Only, good luck with telling your kids why they shouldn't smoke.)

Exercise. I've said there's no such thing as a good addiction. You can become addicted to a process as well as to a substance. The reason there's no such thing as a good addiction is that the line between habit and addiction is crossed when you are no longer free to choose to do something or not do it, You'll see people, on 35-degree days in a rainy, snowy wind-driven mix, jogging in their Spandex. They're as addicted as any smoker.

For many of us the substance or process of choice served us very well as anesthetic. It numbed the pain. Many of us would say that we don't even like the taste of the stuff. We just wanted relief. The problem was, while it numbed the pain it did nothing to solve the underlying problem. It only made it worse - I, a dysthymic, used alcohol, a depressant, and expected that depressant to help with depression?

Don't expect sense or logic from us.

I don't know if the term is still in common use, but mental health professionals have used the term dual diagnosis to describe this - a person who is an addict and who has some other mental disease. For me, once we identified the underlying disease, I began to be able to address the drinking, too.

And, only at that point was I able to base my faith on something real. More properly, on Someone who became more real to me than I ever was to myself.

For those caught up in this process as well as for the families of such folks, my heart is with you. You may convince yourself you're not worthwhile. You are, most certainly to me. God bless, and please feel free to contact me, if you think it may help.

As always, I'd love to hear from you. Thanks for hanging out with me!